Is this so wrong? When I polled a bunch of parents with newly minted college kids to see if they ever check their kids’ location, the responses were mixed. About one-third of the respondents shared that they “never” check (transparently, one of them was my husband, which I think is hilarious since he has no problem with me giving him updates) but most said they definitely still do — although less frequently than they may have at home.

“I track my kids with Find My iPhone,” said one mom. “They know it and I have no problem with it. If they end up in a ditch on the side of the road I need to find them. The end.” Another mom said, “My daughter (college sophomore) not only shares her location on Life360 with me, but her friend groups share locations with each other!”

So clearly, I’m not alone. In fact, a cross-sectional study of over 700 college and university students published in the Journal of Adolescence found that “digital location tracking is a fairly common practice among college students, with nearly half of the sample endorsing currently or previously being digitally location tracked by their parent/caregiver.” 

But is it healthy? Yes and no, says Debbie Ferraro, LCSW, PMH-C, and a women’s therapist in private practice in New York City who works closely with moms of college kids. Parents are certainly used to checking up on their kids in this way, and it’s a hard habit to break. The important change as kids head off to college, she says, is to talk it through.

“Typically, as late adolescents transition into college, I recommend having a conversation around how to navigate this together in order to come to a shared understanding and clear boundaries for all,” Ferraro tells SheKnows. “Even if your young person doesn’t seem to have a strong boundary around this, it is important to acknowledge to them that there may be some checking happening, as this is an opportunity to keep the lines of communication open. Again, this is a way of maintaining and building trust in the relationship, which is what you want to preserve through this life phase and beyond.”

A “conversation” can be as informal as a dinner table mention: “I’m planning to keep Life360 going while you’re away — is that OK? I just want to be able to make myself feel better that you’re home safe now and again.” (Or whatever your personal reasoning might be.)

But be prepared for objections. Ferraro says that kids heading to college are smack dab in the middle of an important growth period called “separation and individuation.” This involves pushing back on parental involvement in a variety of ways, she says. It’s completely normal, and if your kid objects to your checking their whereabouts, that’s a developmentally appropriate response.

It’s also one you should heed, Ferraro adds. Even though according to Life360’s own study, 94 percent of Gen Zs polled say they benefit from location sharing, your kid may bristle at this notion and ask you not to. If this happens — abide. It doesn’t mean you can’t raise the subject again later, but for now, resist the urge to remind your kid the only reason they’re going to college in the first place is because you’re paying for it, their phone, and their food … and instead see how you feel when you delete the app.

There’s also such a thing as too much parent checking, cautions Ferraro. If it starts to interfere with your life — say, if you can’t fall asleep until you see that your kid is safely back in their dorm every night — that’s an issue. If this is the case, here’s your gentle reminder that this is a “you” problem, and you should seek out a trained therapist who can work with you on fixing it.

That being said, it’s important to acknowledge that this transition is a huge adjustment for us as parents, too, says Ferraro. And if we haven’t quite gotten into the groove of how much checking is too much checking, it will come. (I mean, our parents didn’t have Life360 when we left the house, and we turned out fine … for the most part.) Most of the parents with older college kids I spoke to don’t location-track much at all these days.

As for my own newbie college kid? Luckily for me, she has zero issues being occasionally tracked. In fact, over the first few weeks, she also made sure I had her email login, her school registration password, and her ATM pin — none of which I asked for — presumably so I could help her stay on top of things. However your kid feels about it, give yourself grace, and focus on the important things: like making sure they’re actually coming home for Thanksgiving!

Before you go, check out where your favorite celeb parents are sending their kids to college.

Like so many parenting milestones, you can listen to all the stories, read all the books, posts and articles you get your hands on and make as many plans as you can. But nothing truly prepares you until you experience it for yourself.

My first kid headed off to college, and I’m still questioning my parenting skills. Since then, I have taken stock of what has happened — the good and the bad — and am ready to admit that it wasn’t quite what I expected. Here’s my take on freshman year, and the lessons we learned that will come in handy for those just starting their journeys.

My kid brought too much stuff … and things she’ll never use.

Even after digesting countless how-to-pack guides and loading up on extra-long sheets, we forgot some basics. How I wished we had remembered a digital thermometer, especially when my daughter came down with COVID, and a small trash can for all those tissues.  And of course, the things we thought would be ideal, like a filtered water bottle, came back home untouched. Sometimes, it pays to wait and see what your kid will actually need — and for those moments, Amazon became her new best friend.

Dorm life isn’t what it used to be.

When I was in college, I remember meeting my hallmates and keeping our doors open to see who was around to grab dinner or go to the library. (And raise your hand if your RA hosted a “meet and greet” when you first arrived on campus, so there was no way you could be found sitting in your room alone.) These days, dorm room doors seem to remain closed and the halls are a bit quieter than back in the day. Is COVID to blame for the lack of interaction? Or the fact that they can keep in closer touch with their friends via social media now, and don’t feel such a pressing need to make new ones? There’s no substitute for striking up a conversation in person instead of scrolling through your Instagram feed.

Saying goodbye isn’t easy, but it’s something you’ll learn to master.

I’ve never been able to say “so long” when the time apart feels so long. That first time you leave your child is worse than the first day of preschool drop-off, not because you know your baby is growing up, but because they are (gulp) doing it without you. But now, after a few times of watching my daughter board a bus or train, I see someone who is becoming more independent with each mile she travels. That just makes me hug her harder — and shed fewer tears.

Those online parenting groups will be your lifeline.

Even if you’ve never met these moms and dads, you’ll take comfort in the fact that you are all going through the same thing: trying to stay present in your child’s life at school (and deal with the fact that they’re gone) while giving them the space they need. For some, it may be as simple as commiserating about the lack of hot water in the dorm or recommending a place to stay during parents’ weekend. For others, regular check-ins with parents of students struggling can provide a sense of community, especially when you are thousands of miles away.

Care packages are still cool.

It doesn’t matter if your cookies aren’t homemade, or whether or not there’s a holiday on the calendar. When your kid sees that little card in their mailbox alerting them to a package pickup, it will make their day. In the last few months, I have sent small boxes filled with extra socks for the winter, greeting cards with silly sentiments, window decorations for Halloween and Valentine’s Day, and treats from our local bakery. Sure, your kid may be getting old — but letting you know you love them never does.

Parenting from a distance is tough.

There’s no way to sugarcoat it: helping your student navigate the ups and downs of college life isn’t easy, especially when they are away from home. You wish you could just sit with your kid and listen to them pour their heart out as you pass the tissue box. But on the bright side, thanks to the wonders of technology, she is just a text or phone call away when she needs you.

Your texts may go unanswered — and that’s OK.

And of course, the flip side to constant contact is that you may not always get the resolution you’re hoping for. Did she decide to rush for the other sorority? Was he able to drop that class in time? Sure, we may have lost sleep with these worries, but when you finally hear that your kid “figured it out,” you’ll breathe a sigh of relief. Yes, sometimes no news is, in fact, good news.

You’ll feel happy and sad … sometimes all at once.

Remember the time when the kindergarten teacher told you that your kid fell at recess, but didn’t get upset and you were amazed at her bravery? And maybe later that night, when you recounted the story to your husband, you choked back tears? Yup, those same feelings may come rushing back at you now, with an even greater intensity. I loved that my kid didn’t rely on me to be her human alarm clock when she was home for winter break, but I do miss seeing the peaceful look on her sleeping face when I used to wake her up for school.

Finding “your people” can take a while.

Didn’t it seem like your suitemates became best buddies the moment they moved in? Not everyone experiences instant friendship — and if this sums up how your kid’s first-year experience, they are good company. I remind my daughter that connecting with people means putting yourself out there, even if it seems awkward, and that eventually, you may find one or two people who bring out the best in you. And if that doesn’t happen until the first snowflakes fall or spring blossoms begin to bud, that just means it was worth waiting for.

This is your kid’s college experience, not yours.

I continue to remind myself of this lesson because it’s not easy to accept. My own college years were filled with more negatives than positives, so I’ve done everything in my power to enter this stage of my adult life with eyes wide open. Because like any good parent, I can’t shield my kid from the trials and tribulations she’ll face. But, when it’s time to celebrate her triumphs, I’ll be ready and waiting.

Here’s where your favorite celebs’ kids are pursuing higher education.

Cottagecore is the design trend taking the world by storm, especially among college-aged students who crave a cozy, nostalgic, and nature-inspired aesthetic in their living spaces. This charming trend embraces the simplicity and beauty of rural life, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere that feels like a home away from home. With its emphasis on floral patterns, soft textures, and natural elements, cottagecore is perfect for transforming a dorm room into a serene retreat. And now, thanks to Walmart’s curated Cottagecore Dorm Decor Kit, achieving this look has never been easier or more affordable, with seven adorable decor items for about $100.

First up in the kit is the Mainstays Reversible Floral Comforter Set, which sets the tone for the entire room with its lovely floral design. This comforter not only adds a burst of color but also brings the essence of nature indoors, a key element of cottagecore. Its reversible feature allows for versatility, giving your student the option to switch up their room’s look effortlessly. The cozy, soft fabric ensures a comfortable night’s sleep, making it both a functional and stylish addition to the dorm.

Mainstays Retro Floral Reversible 5-Piece Bed in a Bag Comforter Set with Sheets, TXL

$29.96

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Add some flower power to a college dorm room with this colorful retro patterned Bed in a Bag Comforter Set with Sheets.

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Adding to the room’s aesthetic is the Daisy Shape Accent Rug. While Urban Shop’s yellow option is sold out, the teal version from Mainstays is a perfect alternate. With its vibrant color and charming daisy shape, this rug is sure to add a pop of color and playfulness to a drab dorm room. Crafted from high-quality materials, this rug is not only beautiful but also incredibly soft to the touch. The plush pile feels luxurious underfoot, making it perfect for cozying up on the floor with a book or for a friend to lounge during a late-night study session. Designed with practicality in mind, it also features an anti-skid backing that prevents slipping and sliding as yoour student rushes off to class.

Mainstays Flower Shaped Bedroom Rug, Teal, 30" x 30"

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Dorm dwellers can add a pop of color to their floor with this flower shaped accent rug.

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To enhance the cozy factor, the kit includes the Mainstays Mushroom Decorative Pillow and the My Texas House Solid Light Blue Velvet Ties Decorative Pillow. Crafted with meticulous precision, the mushroom shaped pillow’s unique design adds a touch of sophistication and charm to any room, making it a standout accent piece. The plush and velvety texture, coupled with the vibrant red color palette, creates a cozy and inviting atmosphere.

Mainstays 17" x 17" Mushroom Decorative Pillow

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This mushroom pillow puts the fun in fungus with its vibrant red cap and plush feel.

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Paired with the square blue velvet decorative pillow, the cozy combo will add blissfully soft texture and contrasting color to your student’s bed. Created by home decor blogger and influencer Erin Vogelpohl, My Texas House decor reflects Erin’s signature modern farmhouse and fresh country style. This cozy decorative pillow is outfitted in silky-smooth Dutch velvet fabric and sweet self-tied bows on each corner for added charm.

My Texas House 20" x 20" Solid Light Blue Velvet Ties Decorative Pillow

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The silky smooth Dutch velvet of this decorative pillow is a delight to cuddle with.

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Practicality meets style with The Mainstays Textured Solid Curtain Panel — how can a kiddo sleep in without a window covering?! It features an all-over slub texture for a relaxed and casual look. Hang on its own or layer with the Mainstays Textured Prints and Solid Valance for a fully coordinated look. Valance and curtain panels are sold separately.

Mainstays Textured Solid Curtain Single Panel, 38"W x 63"L, Blush

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Dress up a dorm window with chic curtain panels in a soft color.

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To top it all off, Walmart suggests a rattan table lamp that is so popular it’s out of stock! No worries, you can just swap in the Mainstays Rope Mini Lamp to achieve the same look. It’s petite size is ideal for setting on an end table, dresser, or desk to illuminate the area your college kid is working or relaxing in. The crisp and modern white shade with the rope-wrapped base is modern cottagecore perfection!

Mainstays 12.75" Rope Mini Lamp, Brown, 5.75 x 6.5 x 6.5" Lamp Shade

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This petite table lamp is the perfect mix of shabby and chic.

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If the dorm room has the space, why not add some additional storage space for clothing and other necessities? The Dextrus Steel-Frame Dresser has four foldable deep fabric drawers with easy-to-pull plastic handles. The sizeable top, made of premium MDF wood, provides surface area to display framed photos, lamps, and potted plants. It’s a breeze to assemble the lightweight yet sturdy organizer unit with included instructions.

Dextrus Steel-Frame Dresser with Wooden Top & Easy Pull Fabric Bins, Pink

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Keep dorm room clutter to a minimum with the additional storage space provided this dresser with fabric drawers.

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With Walmart’s chic Cottagecore Dorm Decor Kit, you can effortlessly style your college student’s dorm room into a dreamy, cozy retreat, all for about $100 — making it the perfect blend of style, comfort, and affordability. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to create a beautiful, inviting space that your student will love coming back to every day.

Sure, you can try to walk them through it on the phone once they’re out of the house, but why not get the ball rolling now? That way you can spend that precious phone time chatting about the stuff you really care about (Read: Whether they’re doing their homework, what clubs they’ve joined, who they’re dating, etc.).

1. How to cook something that doesn’t come in a box with powder labeled “sauce”

Do the math on that college meal plan and you’ll probably keel over when you realize just how much you’re paying per meal. If your kid’s school allows it, an induction cooker for their dorm room, some pots and pans, and some know-how will solve that problem. And once they move off-campus, they’ll already be set.

2. How to grocery shop on a budget

If you’re opting out of that pricey meal plan, you’ll be relying on your kid to spend their (or possibly your) money wisely. Pro tip: If you’re going to be footing the bill for their food, get them a gift card for a local grocery store for a set amount each month — that way, they can’t blow their lunch money on partying.

3. How to do their laundry

Do your kids really know how to do their own laundry? What to do when there’s a stain? How to separate their clothes and what temperatures to use? Think about it. Even if they actually do their own laundry at home (and don’t half-do their laundry and have Mom finish it), they’ve just been using whatever settings you told them to on your machine for probably 10 years. When they get to a new machine, do they know what to do?

4. How to say “no”

This is an important one. Not only can people who don’t know how to say “no” wind up over-scheduled and stressed, but they may be presented with a lot of questionable options and you won’t be there to monitor them. Talking about setting boundaries now is essential.

5. How to change a tire

It’s not if, but when your tire will blow. Nothing is worse than being stranded on the side of the road and having to hope that the guy who stopped to help really is just being a nice guy. Make sure they have the knowledge and the tools to take care of this one on their own.

6. How to jump-start a car

Seriously… They’re going to try even if they don’t know how, and it could be dangerous.

7. How to study

It seems silly, but even a lot of students who do really well in high school fall apart in college because they don’t know how to study. In college, it’s not enough to read the textbook. They need to be able to identify what they’re expected to know and how to test themselves (preferably multiple times) before the professor does.

8. How to write an essay

They likely won’t just be writing essays as homework but as part of their tests too, so it’s important that they feel confident in their essay-writing skills. In college, it’s often less about the 5-paragraph structure they’ve been taught thus far and more about convincingly presenting a thesis.

9. How to proofread

They won’t be able to have Mom and Dad go over their work anymore, and in college, they shouldn’t be surprised if their teachers take points off for grammar errors. They need to learn tricks for proofreading their own writing.

10. How to budget and pay bills

Even if your student has had a job before, that doesn’t mean they really know how to budget money. After all, they’ve always had Mom and Dad to back them up if they ran out. Make sure they know how to budget for the month so they know how much Monopoly money they really have plus how (and when) to pay bills.

11. How to use a credit card

Even if your child doesn’t have one yet, the offers will start pouring in shortly after they get their own mailbox. And now that they’re adults, you have to accept that they don’t need your permission to sign up for one.

Make sure they understand interest rates (which are insanely high when you’re 18 and the only thing on your credit history is the student loan you haven’t started paying back yet), as well as when it’s OK to use the card and when to pay them back.

12. How to send a professional email

Because let’s face it, you can’t shoot your professor a note that says, “what up, Dr. B!” and then forward her a roundup of memes.

13. How to put on a condom

These days, many schools offer abstinence-only sex education. Even if you agree with this policy in general, studies show these programs do not stop kids or delay them from becoming sexually active. So if they’re going to be having sex, make sure they’re doing so safely.

If you don’t feel comfortable teaching them (or you think they’d be too mortified watching Mom put a condom on a zucchini), your local Planned Parenthood can help. Plus, they can help with other forms of birth control too!

14. Basic first aid

Accidents happen, so make sure your kid knows how to administer immediate and appropriate treatment for burns and cuts in addition to CPR.

15. Basic home and car repair and maintenance

They don’t need to know how to dismantle an engine block or build an ark, but knowing basics like checking the oil or changing the battery can be incredibly useful. Plus, knowing how to fix a minor plumbing or electrical issue (unclogging a toilet or flipping a breaker) isn’t just handy and money-saving, but it builds confidence too.

A version of this story was published in 2016.

Fast forward to that first experience dropping my son off at college. I had meticulously planned and shopped for his new independence, taking great care to ensure he had all the comforts of home. We set up his room, which required more than one trip to Target for storage bins, and followed the other parents’ leads when it was time to depart. I gave him a stoic yet tearful hug goodbye and, as we drove off campus, the water works started. My husband and I drove the nine-hour trip home in silence, except for a quick stop for our last fix of Tennessee barbecue. I stared out the window with occasional tears streaming down my face wondering what life was going to be like without my favorite son around the house.

Dropping my daughter off two years later was a bit of a different experience. She was my high-maintenance child — most girls are — so getting her out of the house was a bit more of a kick-my-heels-up-in-the-air kind of feeling. I would no longer get in the shower only to discover that my shampoo bottle was empty or my razor was missing. Let’s just say the tears flowed but were more of a sprinkle than a downpour.

The Good

“Empty nest” might be a bit of a misnomer. I’m nesting more now than I did in those pre-maternal days. My house is once again neat and organized and my husband and I relish those weekends lounging in our clean, quiet nest.

I don’t miss the messy rooms or the late nights worrying my kids were out driving around — truth be told, I was excited to know that they were on a college campus where their social life was within walking distance. That’s not to say that the stress of worrying about your kids doesn’t go away. But I sleep much more soundly at night now that I’m not waiting up for them to come home. I should caveat, though: I do have an app on my phone that tells me their locations (with their permission), so if I do have that 3 a.m. panic attack, I can check my phone and ensure they’re safely where they’re supposed to be.

There is something oddly reassuring knowing that they’re on their own to make decisions. Although I don’t consider myself a helicopter parent (maybe a hang-gliding parent), I doled out a lot of unsolicited advice on how to deal with friends, teachers and other sticky situations. But being in college, they’re now somewhat on their own to figure these things out for themselves. I do love those late night texts, “Mom, I need your advice on something.” It gives me hope that they’ll always need their mom.

The Bad

Those first trips to visit for parents weekends were like pouring salt in an open wound. Again, as we made the trip home, I would stare staring blankly out the window, but for shorter periods. Each time if felt like a cruel tease because I’d once again arrive home to an empty house.

But rest assured, re-entry got easier each time as we all adjusted to our lives apart — until that first Christmas break. No one warned me that having my newly independent young adult in the house would upset my new ecosystem. I had just learned to sleep through the night without worrying about their whereabouts, but suddenly, they were shirking curfew and staying out until all hours of the night, reconnecting with old friends. There are no curfews in college so what’s a mom to do? That first year, my son sauntered in at 4 a.m. and, yes, I was up waiting for him.

The Ugly (Crying)

One thing I was not prepared for was a loss of our silly traditions. Each year on the night before the first day of school, I would put a hotel-style door hanger on their doorknobs and let them choose their breakfast for the next day, just to alleviate any first day jitters. That first August when all of my friends were posting about their kids’ first day of school, I’ll admit I felt a little tug at my heart strings that I would not be on the computer making my door hangers. And as much as I hated carpool pickup lines, I found myself missing those Friday afternoon traditional Dairy Queen stops for ice cream to celebrate the end of a week. If nothing else, maybe they’ll do these things for their children someday.

Remember that “me” time I had longed for? There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. My husband often travels for work and I often find myself sitting home alone longing for the busyness of teenagers. I had no one to watch movies with, no one to share my carryout Chinese food with, and no one to keep me up late at night with worry. But an empty house is a quiet house. And a quiet house is a lonely house. I leave the TV on for extended periods, without watching it, just to counter that loneliness. Occasionally, I hack into my kids’ Spotify accounts and listen their playlists. Ultimately, I did learn to plan for these solo periods and I began scheduling nights out with my girlfriends who were also recently “orphaned”.

The Silver Lining

Now that we are truly empty nesters, it feels like our relationship as husband and wife was put on hold while we raised our kids and we are picking up right where we left off as newlyweds. We linger longer in restaurants, we listen to music over after-dinner drinks and we stay out late. We take weekend getaways where sitting on a soccer field is replaced with sitting in a tasting room at a vineyard. We have conversations about things other than our kids. We eat bowls of cereal for dinner in front of the TV. It’s different, but it’s a good different. Grown and flown is a good thing, I think as I pat myself on the back.

These celeb parents have gotten very real about their kids growing up.

I had the honor of teaching college writing classes for nine years. I loved conversing with my students, planning lessons, and reading their ideas. The grading was by far the worst part of being a teacher, as well as the “but you have summers and weekends off” comments (insert eye roll). Overall, though, teaching college freshmen was an overwhelmingly positive experience.

I wasn’t “just” my students’ teacher. There were many times I took on the role of counselor and mom. Though my own kids were babies at the time, I gained plenty of parenting-young-adult experience, both before and after class. What I noticed was that though these late-teens were technically adults, they very much still needed parental guidance. Being a college student, especially one who is new to the university experience, is hard.

If you’re a parent whose child is heading to college this upcoming fall, you can use this summer to your advantage. Preparing your teen for this major life transition is important to their future success. Here are five ways you can get them ready to spread their wings and embark on their new adventure.

Guide your child on finances.

One of the worst mistakes college students make is racking up a lot of debt — fast. Don’t wait until mid-August to hand your kid a debit or credit card and wish them luck. Now is the time to have a meeting and decide who pays which bills, whether your teen is expected to work or not while attending school, and what their expenses will be.

Be prepared to have nitty-gritty conversations. What do you consider essentials, and what expenses are extras? Once your child starts school, check in with them, often, on how their financial situation is going. What needs to be adjusted? What happens if they fail a class? Who pays for that?

Discuss mental health.

One of the biggest struggles my college students faced was maintaining their mental health. I had to call an ambulance for a student one day who couldn’t breathe. Turns out, she was having a panic attack and later shared that she was under the crushing weight of getting a certain GPA to maintain her financial assistance.

Help your student understand the mental health services their school offers, but also whether there are additional options your insurance allows (if applicable). Can your child do telehealth with a counselor, and what about access to medications for anxiety or depression? Please make sure mental health is an ongoing conversation with your child, and model good practices yourself. After all, actions do speak louder than words — especially to teens.

Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and exercise.

A student embarks on their first away-from-home adventure, which is often college, and gains the “Freshman Fifteen”. The issue isn’t this initial weight-change, but what often comes with it: declining overall health. Summer is a great time to remind your child about the importance of exercise and quality sleep. Though many freshman love to have the college experience (AKA: party hard), this is a recipe for disaster. Not only does their physical health suffer, but so do their grades and mental well-being.

It’s not always easy to get a good night’s rest in a dorm room, so invest now in noise-canceling headphones, an eye mask, and a white noise machine or fan. Help your child locate the school’s rec center and encourage them to join workout classes and active clubs (think sand volleyball). Take your teen with you to the grocery store and have them help you select healthy foods, as well as help prepare meals and snacks.

Teach them to ask for help.

College students often feel that they must prove themselves and be independent. Though these can be great qualities, they can also work to the student’s detriment. It’s important that teens pause, recognize an issue before it gets out of control, and ask for help from the appropriate adult. I had students whose grades would slip — but they would decline my invitations to meet during my office hours to review their work, and then beg me for extra credit the last week of class. They learned the hard way that it was too late, and that their failing grade would be their final grade.

The same goes for mental and physical health issues. When aspects of a student’s life start to feel out of control, it’s time to contact mental health services or the student medical office. Asking for help is not a weakness, and your child needs to see you be willing to do the same for yourself. Over the summer when you find yourself in a situation, let your teen see you roping in the appropriate helpers.

Starting college can be an exhilarating and rewarding experience for any young adult. By taking steps over the next two months with your child — yes, teamwork — you can set them up for a wonderful freshman year.

College and I did not get along. I went for two years before dropping out, and the whole time I was there, I felt like I was drowning. It was the most miserable that I’ve ever been in my life, and my friends and family knew it. Yet when I left, everyone acted like I had just dropped out of life, not school. I could tell they thought I’d never be able to get a job — that I would struggle for the rest of my life. I have three siblings, one older and two younger, and I’m the only one who didn’t graduate from a college or university.

Don’t get me wrong: I think education is important, and I love learning. In fact, I probably read more than all three of those college-educated siblings combined. But the thing is, I don’t think it matters that I don’t have a degree — and I don’t care if my son never gets one either.

I distinctly remember failing a math test in sixth grade and hearing my teacher say, “You need to study harder; you’ll need good grades to get into a good school.” I was 11 at the time. And from that moment on, I heard it talked about more and more: college, college, testing for college, preparing for college, which college, you have to go to college, but what about college? The older I got, the more the pressure piled on. And by high school, forget about it: College was the entirety of every school-related conversation. What are your safety schools? Are you a legacy? (No, sorry, my dad never graduated either).

Most of my high school memories are college-related memories. There were college admissions lectures, conferences, color-coded notes and stacks and stacks of applications. My classmates took weeks off to visit schools, every extracurricular was counted and classified, PSATs and SATs were taken again and again, hoping for ever-better scores. But even after all that, after the stress of tests and applications, after waiting for weeks and checking the mailbox every day — that was only the beginning of the college-related stress. Because after all that was when we actually had to go to college.

My generation is the most educated in American history — but at what cost? And I mean literal cost: Graduates are emerging hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. My college-obsessed sister is in her mid-30s and still only barely chipping away at her student loans. And for what? Thanks to the recession, every millennial I know, graduate or not, is fighting for jobs and struggling to get by. Some are living paycheck to paycheck, some have moved back in with their parents. They’re putting off having kids, putting off buying homes, putting off everything but the day-to-day necessities so they can continue to afford to exist — and so they can afford to pay off the bare minimum of student loan interest that’s required of them (never mind actually beginning to pay off the principal).

A diploma is just a piece of paper that congratulates you on the thousands of dollars you’ll spend the rest of your life paying off. It doesn’t guarantee a job or an income or security.

And sure, those college years may be the best years of your life — you might make lifelong friends, maybe meet the love of your life. And maybe, although you’ll be exhausted and live on ramen, you’ll love it. I get it. I do. I see the appeal of that kind of community, of time dedicated to learning, of a few more years spent expanding your horizons before being suffocated by the responsibilities of the real world. But do you have to go to college to experience that?

College forces you to “choose” (for now) a career path at a very early age, whether that’s declaring a major your freshman year or deciding to apply to art school or technical school or culinary school when you’re 16. That’s insane. Who on Earth knows what they want to do for the rest of their life — and can confidently and correctly make that choice — at age 16? And if you pursue that specialized degree in sculpture/mechanics/pastry/underwater welding and fall out of love with it? Forget it.

I attended a specialized school for two years, which was about one year and seven months longer than I would have stayed if I hadn’t felt so guilty for wasting everyone’s time — and my parents’ money. Eventually, wanting to spare my own last tiny shred of sanity won out, and I quit. And let me tell you: If you quit school or even just take a year off, society wastes no time in making you feel like you’ve failed. And I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone, especially not my child.

If my son wants to be an astronaut and work for NASA, I will do everything I can to make that happen. MIT, here we come. But if he wants to open a doughnut shop or a bookstore or a laser-tag arena, then so be it. If he wants to take some time off after high school to see where his interests lie, that’s fine by me. And if he just plain doesn’t want to go to college at all, that’s fine too.

Sure, not getting a degree might make it take a little longer for my son to achieve his career dreams — but it might not. And as long as he’s doing what he loves, I’ll be one happy mom.

A version of this post was originally published in 2018.

“The Princess was also selected for an ‘Honorary Award’ from the Fulbright program, the international exchange program in the field of education of the United States Department of State,” a translation of the palace’s statement said.

The two-year program will come in handy one day as Princess Elisabeth, the firstborn child of King Philippe and Queen Mathilde, is not just any old heir to any old throne. She will become the country’s first queen regnant one day, should she accept the crown.

It’s probably a more fair assessment to say that Princess Elisabeth’s move is much more like that of her father — who moved to California to earn his master’s degree in political science at Stanford University —than that she’s like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle who were all but forced here. But we do have to wonder if she and the Sussexes will ever meet up. Maybe the former senior members of the British royal family will have pointers for the 22-year-old Duchess as she transitions to life in the U.S.

Or maybe she will travel to the Obama family’s summer home in Martha’s Vineyard to visit her ol’ friend Barack. In March, she and her father met with the former U.S. president at the Castle of Laeken. He could probably give her some pointers about Cambridge as a Harvard grad himself.

And while we are mostly excited by this news because it’s always great to hear that a female world leader is becoming even more bad a** by furthering her education, we’re also secretly hoping for a little bit of romance. C’mon! Doesn’t Princess Elisabeth look like Julia Stiles? Can’t you picture a reverse The Prince & Me situation? The Belgian princess falls in love with an unassuming American student. Perhaps the student accidentally spills their Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee all over the Duchess and instead of having them beheaded, she invites them to a Red Sox game where sparks begin to fly. *Sigh* A girl can dream!

Bon voyage and best of luck, Princess Elisabeth!

During an interview with The Sunday Times, Paltrow opened up about the spectrum of emotions she’s feeling regarding her son Moses, 17, moving out to pursue a college education in a few short months. “On the one hand [I feel] incredible sadness. A deep sense of impending grief,” the Marvel alum confessed.

She continued, “On the other hand, this is exactly what should be happening. Your kids are supposed to be, you know, young adults who can achieve and cope and make connections and be resilient. That’s exactly what you want. And that means they leave the house.”

Like many parents with children graduating high school and moving out of the family home to begin their independent lives, Paltrow is trying to figure out how her relationship with her kids will evolve and how empty-nesting will impact her identity. “I’ve been so defined and so fulfilled by motherhood,” she explained. “It’s been kind of the central… it’s been like the central kind of… I don’t know even how to articulate it! It’s like the guiding force. It’s what I return to.”

The Country Strong star continued, “I observe a lot of my friends who’ve had kids who’ve gone off to college. Your kid… it changes. And, you know, they come home a lot and all that stuff, but it’s not quite the same as living under the same roof all the days of the year. So I’m just trying to be open to what that means,” Paltrow shared.

While she admitted uncertainty and anxiety are her leading emotions ahead of the major life change, Paltrow also said she’s trying to keep an open mind as she heads into the unknown. The Hollywood icon mused, “As a woman, I think we have these very distinct chapters, and you have no idea what these life changes are going to feel like until they happen, right?” She continued, “I don’t know what it’s going to be, but I’m going to try to stay really open, try to find, I don’t know, the silver linings. Spontaneity!”

The mom of two reflected further on the idea of spontaneity, sharing, “I never really go anywhere or do anything because I want to be around my kids while they live at home.” Paltrow continued, “You know, it’s like, ‘Oh, we’re doing a girls’ weekend here and there,’ and I’m like, ‘F*** no, I have 88 days left of Moses living [with me],’ you know? It’s been basically 20 years of me being beholden to a school calendar — so what will that feel like, to not have that?” she mused. “I don’t know. It’s sort of exciting, in a way, if you let it be. Maybe?”

Maybe indeed. Time will tell as Moses follows his big sister Apple, 19, into adulthood and an exciting new chapter for everyone in the Paltrow-Martin family.

These celeb parents have gotten very real about their kids growing up.

When the “T” word popped up, it would have been easy to dismiss this change of heart. Transferring is one of the bravest — and most stressful — things your kid can contemplate, so it would have been way more convenient to hope he wasn’t serious about a) starting the application process again and b) adjusting to an entirely different school — two years in a row.

Because I know my child as well as I do, I knew this wasn’t idle chatter or the words of a homesick kid. So, instead of dismissing these sentiments, I leaned in — and learned. What unfolded were hours of discussion about what he really wanted, where he wanted to spend his next few years and, most important, what institution would give him the biggest boost into the real world.

Those conversations were intense and important. I did my best not to impose my own feelings or reminisce about my own college journey and, instead, really hear what he was saying. And, while I knew the next few months of transfer applications and essays would be challenging, I prepared to sit in the passenger seat as he drove his way to the ultimate goal of finding a college that would be a way better fit.

As the flurry of activity kicked in, it really helped to consider the fact that the choices you make as a senior in high school don’t always track when you actually set foot on a campus. That’s as true for our kids as it was for us and, if you start with this premise, it will help you along the way, agrees Laurie Kopp Weingarten, CEP, president and chief educational consultant at One-Stop College Counseling, a college counseling company in Marlboro, New Jersey.

“It’s essential to recognize that students evolve throughout their college years,” she says. “They may not be the same person at 19 or 20 as they were at 17 or 18 years old. Their likes/dislikes and priorities may have shifted.”

And, while I didn’t have an expert like Weingarten to guide me along the way when I was going through this a few years ago, I’m happy to report that my son is thriving at his new university. Read on as Weingarten shares a few key things to keep in mind if your child is getting ready to switch schools:

SheKnows: What would you say to parents who might think there’s a stigma to transferring schools?

Weingarten: There’s no stigma attached to transferring. College is arguably the most significant investment a parent [or young adult] makes, second only to buying a home. All parents want their students to be content and to thrive at their college of choice. It can be a long four years for a teenager if they’re miserable, so the option to transfer should be considered. Everyone, teens and adults, performs better when they’re happy. No one should feel “married” to their university; if it’s not the right fit, it’s reasonable to explore other options. Students should not feel obligated to remain at their school.

SheKnows: What advice would you give to parents to help their student who is contemplating a transfer?

Weingarten: Parents should begin the discussion by asking (and listening carefully!) about the reasons behind their student’s desire to transfer. Some reasons may be clear-cut and logical, such as wanting to pursue a major not offered at their current college or choosing to be closer to home to support a sick relative. However, other reasons may require further exploration, such as experiencing roommate challenges or not having a Starbucks nearby! Parents should help their teens decide whether transferring makes sense for them and encourage their student to explore the idea further. Teens should be able to verbalize what they find dissatisfying and they should be able to express their aspirations for their new college and experience. 

SheKnows: Once this conversation occurs, what are next steps? It can be scary to consider a second school, especially if the first one didn’t work out.

Weingarten: Students should thoroughly research colleges they hope to transfer into, ensuring that they won’t experience the same issues at the new institution. They should also try to speak to students on those campuses to learn about the college’s culture, lifestyle, and academic environment.  

SheKnows: What about the costs involved — new sets of application fees, or perhaps the new school will be more expensive?

Weingarten: Parents and students should establish clear expectations. It’s important to discuss potential financial implications, academic and career goals, and any other important factors. This ensures everyone will be on the same page regarding the decision to transfer and the anticipated outcome.

SheKnows: What’s something parents should work hard to avoid?

Weingarten: In my experience working primarily with high-achieving students, I’ve encountered situations where parents have advocated for their teens to transfer, often with the goal of “trading up” and having their child graduate with a degree from a “brand name” school. Parents should focus on the student’s well-being and academic fit and make sure they are transferring for the right reasons. That’s what matters most.

Before you go, check out what these celeb parents had to say about their kids heading off to college.